Family Trees

As the saying goes,

“Every family tree produces some lemons, some nuts and a few bad apples.”

Lest you misunderstand me, I love my family and am proud of them. They represent immigrant families who came to America with nothing — and settled and made a life and a name for themselves. We have farmers, doctors, bankers, teachers, artists, chemists — a whole university full of professions! Some served in the military; some were pacifists. Some were teetotalers and wore those Women’s Christian Temperance Union ribbons proudly. Others made wine “for medicinal purposes” (of course). It’s a remarkable experience to trace your lineage back through the generations. (And major MAJOR thanks to my mom, sister and other relatives who did all of the dirty work on this!)

With the information my mom and sister sent me, I spent most of today reconstructing a genogram for my CPE class. A genogram is basically a family tree, but you add enough information on your family to see patterns and systems that are uniquely your own. For instance, my family has breast cancer recurring on my mom’s side. There’s also diabetes, cataracts, and myopia. There are troubled marriages, children who died in infancy, and all manner of rascals. But they are all mine!

As I traced my family history, I began thinking about grandparents, great aunts and uncles, cousins and various other relatives who had not crossed my mind in (honestly) years. I thought about family events, both happy and sad. And I saw the strength that comes from weathering the storms that every family faces — together.

Yes, there are shadows. As a family, we’ve lost children, buried parents, aunts, uncles, cousins… and found joy in living. I’d say that’s a pretty amazing God gift.

From human DOing to human BEing

I spent time OFF the web today. Part of it was my personal protest against SOPA and PIPA. (If you’ve been in a cave and missed the discussion, please click the link.) It looks as though the sponsors are going to go back to the drawing board and re-think the scope and focus of the bills. And that’s all good.

But it was also good that I took a short vacay from the cybersphere of blogging, twitter, facebook, G+, and my latest web timesuck, Pinterest. The time away was well spent: I added about 10 pages to my consultation committee papers for CPE. (More on this later… Another post…)

And I also had time to sit, and think, and pray. To be honest, I did pop on to Twitter and Facebook before dinner. I answered some emails, responded to a blog that spoke to something I’ve been ruminating on for a while. But that’s it. Pretty minimal for me. I do love teh interwebs.

I have been pondering this habit I have of living like a Human DOing, rather than a Human BEing. I keep busy. I read and think and absorb information, and then I go DO stuff. It hit me that I’m like the Pakleds on Star Trek. “I look for things…”

It’s idiotic. I do not have to engage every idea, every question, every issue. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. And yet. I still do it anyway. As if God needs me to get in on the action of the universe. That I have to help fix or change things. NO. Really. I just need to BE the person I am created to be. And then go BE that person wherever I go.

It sounds so simple. And it is so hard.

Paul wrote:

² I just want to know this from you: Did you receive the Spirit by doing the works of the Law or by believing what you heard? ³ Are you so irrational? After you started with the Spirit, are you now finishing up with your own human effort? [Gal. 2:2-3 Common English Bible]

For me, it all goes back to a deep, basic, personal reaction to life. I think I have to do stuff. Find stuff. Works. Law. Instead of listening and following the bend of the Spirit. Instead of allowing the Spirit’s leadership, I get a cranked up agenda of things on a “do list.”

Slowly, I’m jumping off the crazy train. Join me, if you care to… here’s what I am continuing to work on…

• Thinking through activities and opportunities that come my way, and if possible, giving them a 48 hour “think window” before saying “YES!!!” (Ahem. Or “NO.”)
• Putting reading and journaling back into my weekly schedule. It’s haphazard. I’ve kept up with Bible reading so far. (Got a little stuck in mid-Genesis. But I’m back on track.)
• Adding things into my life which spark my creative gifts in music, photography and writing. Not because I have to. But because I want to. They bring life to my soul.
• Letting someone else do the dishes and laundry. Or not finishing them. (Repeat after me: “The laundry will never get done. The dishes will get dirty again. Chill. Relax. Enjoy life.” Go ahead. Say it. You know you need it, too!)

And the rest? Well, I’ll keep figuring out as I go along.

Lord…

I want to feel Your Spirit’s leading,

Your Voice in my heart responding

With joy, with celebration

In responsiveness beyond my emotion

Rooted deep in my soul.

Willow in the Wind of the Spirit… I listen. I bend. I follow.

Friday Five: Recommendation Edition

Woot! I finished the first part of my CPE consultation papers! And before I crawl into bed, I’m going to play the Friday Five. Because it is, sadly, already Friday.

Revkjarla writes:

So, it’s the time of year I get inundated with requests for recommendations for students that are looking to be camp counselors.  So in honor of camp counselors everywhere, today’s Friday Five is the Recommendation edition  (which has nothing to do with camp or summer or anything–work with me, it’s late….)

1. Recommend a favorite worship resource or devotional book.  Ah… easy. Brennan Manning’s Ragamuffin Gospel.  Get back to the essence of God’s love for the impossibly imperfect but loved human being that I am.
2. Recommend a blog that you like to read that you think others might find enjoyable. I’ll go with BoingBoing because I literally NEVER KNOW what they will talk about next. Like their post on the world’s smallest known vertebrate. A little wee froggie. Just good stuff.
3. Recommend a fiction book that you think people might like.  You MUST read The Hunger Games. End.
4. Recommend a favorite recipe website.   O.k., if you aren’t into cooking or food, then just recommend a random website that you find useful, hilarious, mind numbing or thought provoking.  Well, hey. In the spirit of shameless self-promotion, why not visit my cooking blog? It’s relatively new, but I’m adding stuff (there’s a list of things I need to put up for folks.) Feel free to make a suggestion…if I have a recipe I’ll post it. It’s called Holy Spoons.
5. And for the last recommendation–it’s bloggers’ choice!  Make a recommendation for anything! I LOVE my Wake-up Light Alarm Clock. Now it comes with an iPod dock (sigh… I got one a year too soon!) For people like me who DO NOT LIKE TO GET UP, it is a gentle poke in the subconscious to get outta bed.

Today’s song…

yeah, it’s a blast from the past…

 

 

To the Morning

Dan Fogleberg

 

Watching the sun…watching it come
Watching it come up over the rooftops
Cloudy and warm…maybe a storm
You can never quite tell from the morning

(Chorus)
And it’s going to be a day
There is really no way to say no to the morning
Yes it’s going to be a day
There is really nothing left to say but come on morning

Waiting for mail
Maybe a tale from an old friend or even a lover
Sometimes there’s none
But we have fun thinking of all who might have written

(Chorus)

And maybe there are seasons
And maybe they change
And maybe to love is not so strange

The sounds of the day
Now they hurry away
Now they are gone until tomorrow
When day will break and you will wake
And you will rake your hands across your eyes and realize
That it’s going to be a day
There is really no way to say no to the morning
Yes it’s going to be a day
There is really nothing left to say but come on morning

And maybe there are seasons and maybe they change
And maybe to love is not so strange

Derp. Derp.

Yesterday was a crazy, busy day. Reedy Girl needs her passport renewed. She also had a pit orchestra rehearsal. I had a half day of CPE. There were multiple around-the-house chores to be done, like taking down the Christmas lights and decorations. And I have a 20 page consultation paper due, like, yesterday.

SO. I packed a lunch. Worked on my consultation paper while I waited for Reedy Girl to get out of school. Got her to the post office  late (after I stopped to pick up the forgotten paperwork and passport photos), meeting Bearded Brewer. Only to discover… they had us on a different day.

But… but… on my brainiac phone (not necessarily smart) I had it on my calendar for January 6th.

No. We are down on their calendar for Jan. 13th. And both parents do not need to be present for a child over 16.

I took Reedy Girl back to rehearsal and went home and looked at my calendars. You know, the paper kind. One said it was on the 6th. The other said it was on the 13th. Bearded Brewer checked his personal calendar, and it said the 13th.

I felt lousy for messing up 3 people’s days, and then being confident that the post office employee messed up the date.

Derp. Derp. Yup. It was 99% likely it was my fault.

So, what do you do when you have one of these Derp. Derp. moments? You stop. You pray. You apologize. And then you try again. It was a dose of humble pie. My least favorite, but most necessary flavor.

It’s not often we get a do-over. But I did. And I’ll extend the same to you. Just remind me. “Post office.” That’ll do it.

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five: The A-Ha moments

Kathrynzj of RevGalBlogPals writes:

This past holiday season is not one I will soon forget, but not for the reason some may think. Certainly, it was a busy one for those involved in the life of the church. The 1-2 punch of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day on a Sunday brought more than a few of us to our knees (or hopefully to a more comfortable napping position).

In the midst of the holiday season I had one of those moments where a path suddenly was made clear – A-ha! This experience has prompted me to wonder what some of your A-ha moments may be.

They can be mundane – a realization that you like/don’t like a certain food or that you really look good in that color you never had the guts to try. They can be sacred – a way to better pace your day clicks into place or finally a devotion or meditation practice that really works for you. They can be profound – the moment you realized he/she was the one (or wasn’t)or the moment you realized where your deepest passion could meet the world’s greatest need.

Please tell us – what are five (more or less) of your ‘A-ha’ moments. Where have you had a moment of clarity?

 

I’m not sure how clear these moments were… maybe as clear as mud? But the poetry of Dr. Suess came to mind…

It came without ribbons! It came without tags! It came without packages, boxes or bags!  There’s nothing deeply theological here. Just thoughtful reality setting in.

So in no particular order…

1. The best parts of this holiday were spent laughing, lounging and spending time with my family and friends.

2. Simple Christmas cookies (“Holiday Bites”) were nommed down with as much pleasure as the fussy, gussied-up fancy ones.

3. There’s much to be said for a therapeutic pedicure and haircut the week before Christmas.

4. There’s much to be said for NOT having wisdom teeth out the week before Christmas. (My heartfelt apologies to The Johnnie.)

5. I love decorating for Christmas. I HATE taking it all down. This year we are doing it together as a family. And I will NOT complain how it is completed.

 

That’s my list and I’m sticking with it.

 

When the way seems blocked…

Today’s reading in my “read it through” devotional plan took me through the Creation/Fall stories of Genesis 1-3. Every year I start a reading plan. I always read these chapters. In fact, I think I’ve done pretty well with the Gospels and Pentateuch. Once we get into the history books with all of the “-ites” and the complex sentence structure of Paul’s arguments, I get bogged down. I don’t have these verses in Genesis memorized, but I know them fairly well. So, I asked God for a “fresh read” on these verses today.

Give me something new, God…

(Funny. God always answers that prayer!)

In Genesis 3, humanity is tempted, fails utterly, and is found guilty. Every issue humanity faced, there was a way out of the sin predicament in which they found themselves. Not being God, they chose what seemed expedient at the time. (Short way to diagnosis if something is sin? “It seemed right…”)

But at the end of the chapter, after being told that they will have to suffer, struggle and experience death and pain, God shows not a final judgment, but mercy.

²² The LORD God said, “The human being has now become like one of us, knowing good and evil. Now so he doesn’t stretch out his hand and take also from the tree of life and eat and live forever,” ²³ the LORD God sent him out of the garden of Eden to farm the fertile land from which he was taken. ²⁴ He drove out the human. To the east of the garden of Eden, he stationed winged creatures wielding flaming swords to guard the way to the tree of life. (Genesis 3:22-24 Common English Bible)

Beautiful. Lest humanity be completely irretrievable, living forever without an understanding of the consequences of their sin, God protected them from themselves. The only being who lives forever with this kind of knowledge is the devil! that realization stopped me in my tracks.

I have gone through so many roadblocks and “NO” answers from God. Sometimes they have hurt. Other times, it’s been a bit of a relief. Many times, there’s been confusion, particularly when I thought I was listening and following God’s direction.

When the way seems perfectly clear, it often isn’t. Think about that one for a while…

At the start of this new year, I just found it remarkable to think about all those roadblocks… and to be thankful. I can change, grow and choose a new direction. That’s pretty amazing.

One for the road…

It’s New Year’s Eve. Not my favorite holiday, unless I spent it with people I love and enjoy. (Which will be the case this year!) With the turning of the year, there is a bit of reflection and self-analysis. Part of it is the nature of my work as a chaplain. And it’s also part of my CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) curriculum. I had to write a reflection based on a difficult experience in my life. It wasn’t hard to think of an event; it was much harder to convey the reasons WHY it was difficult. (I think this is because we are in a twitter-verse where we hear a “First World Problems” sneer at our “problems”…)

I finished writing a draft of the event and was taken aback. What was a kick in the gut for me was a simple phrase by a piano professor: “Stop. You are embarrassing me.” I spent the next two years trying to please someone who did not like my more “organic” style of playing classical music, who chose flashy 20th composers for my Mozart pathos, and who belittled the creative empowerment of my beloved high school piano teacher, Mr. Straus.

I experienced a curious development as I wrote and reflected on this story: I remembered why I loved music. And I remembered that I was created to express my heart and love for God in specific ways. They may not float your boat. You may not identify with what is my groove. But I will no longer be coerced into a mold that is not “me” — and I have to tell you, that is refreshingly freeing.

So here’s one for the road — a glass raised in thankfulness to Mr. Straus, who held to his calling of seeing and knowing the inherent musical gifts of each of his students, bringing them out with his characteristic humor and high expectations. A glass raised to my family, who believed in me as well. A glass raised to my husband and daughters for their love. And a glass raised to all of us who live out the diverse ways God has gifted us, challenged us, and prepared us to be unique vessels of Light to a world so bent on darkness.

RevGalBlogPals: A Nearly New Year Friday Five

Sally offers this week’s Friday Five:

A simple Friday Five for a busy part of the year; indulge me by sharing two fives:

As you look back over 2011 share 5 blessings, they can be as grand or as simple as you like,if you year has been like mine they are probably a mixture! As you look towards 2012 share 5 hopes- again, anything goes! Pictures and songs welcome!

LOOKING BACK:

1. I had the dubious honor of sitting through three different hospital’s orientations. For the record, other than phone numbers and job titles, the information is 99.9% the same. Thank you, JCAHO.

2. Our two sophomores (one in high school, one in college) are now juniors. And we are starting to think about their senior years. And graduation. And what comes after that. I find that mind-blowing.

3. We didn’t get to the beach for a vacation. That’s the first time that’s happened in a long time. In fact, this was the year for “staycations” since we were not able to leave town when everyone was home.

4. Our house has 8 fewer wisdom teeth, and MANY fewer dollars.

5. A song that expresses my thankfulness is “How He Loves Us” as sung by Kim Walker and Jesus Culture. I know it’s not a new song this year, but it’s probably one of the most powerful songs I sing to God.

LOOKING AHEAD:

1. I will be DONE with CPE!!! Then it’s just that little matter of getting a job. And yes, if it is a new hospital, I will sit through yet another day of orientation.

2. Bearded Brewer and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage. God is faithful. And I sure do love him.

3. I’m pondering what “regular exercise” I can build into my schedule, and keep it up. I’m thinking maybe swimming again since it is the easiest on my joints and gives me a whole body workout. (Ask me in March how I’m doing with that, please!)

4. There’s more unknown than known for me once my CPE is done. Will I go to a hospital? Or a church? Or split the two? I’m probably going to spend some time in discernment with a Spiritual Director to help untangle the threads and follow God’s leading.

5. A song that reminds me I am in process and making progress: Tenth Avenue North’s song “This is Where the Healing Begins.”

I’m praying you find 2012 to be a joy-filled, growing year!

Setting myself up to fail

I hadn’t planned to do this, but decided that it would be fun to set up a 365 photoblog. I have a couple of patients who are doing a 365 blog as part of their mindfulness practice. They want to experience each day, not slide through life or fake it. And they want to create a memory of their lives, something that they can look at in a year… realizing that they may or may not make the one year mark.

As a chaplain, this touched my heart. I decided that I would try it too. After all, my iPhone is practically welded to my hand. I have a camera at the ready. I also have a digital XLR and love to take photographs. So… I’m signing on!

I am taking this on knowing that it’s pretty impossible to get a picture up every single day of the year. Most of the photobloggers note that it can take 2 years (or more!!) to get their blog up to 365 pictures. So I’m setting myself up to fail. But I’m also taking on a project that will help me see the “big picture.” Life flies by at warp speed… I’m hoping this will help me see moments to hit the “pause” button.

The photoblog will be here – feel free to drop by.